From Struggle to Service: Transforming Toxic Relationships into My Purpose

I haven’t had that many relationships. I Didn’t date in high school. I had 2 boyfriends of which I married the second one. My first 40 years of relationships were all created on a foundation that was programmed as a child and then just played out, through cycles and patterns that I couldn’t see. Until I did see, then you can not unsee. Many of us can look at relationships and see a pattern, sometimes it’s easier to blame the other than closely look at our role. What I desperately wanted from my mother, I was seeking out in others. What I didn’t see, is that I attracted the same behavior in a partner that my mother would have played out when I was a kid. I knew very soon into the relationships that things were not right but it was a familiar pattern that I grew up with so it felt like home and normal. Social pressures and expectations teach us to hold on and pour more energy and effort into it. Don’t give up, don’t let go. Don’t think about what your needs and wants are. Give, give, give to others. To me that meant, my time, my energy, my money, my space and regulating other people’s emotions all before my own and like Cinderella, after all the work pouring out to others, there were nothing left for me.

On my own journey of self-discovery, I am uncovering patterns and systems that just don’t work for me. I don’t sit in the muck as long as I used too. Emotions tell us what feels good and what doesn’t. It’s up to us to figure out how to deal with them. It’s like we have this meter in our souls that says yes and no to the alignment of our greatest potential. That pit deep within us that knows when something isn’t right, yet we don’t listen and yet we stay right in that space feeling confused, angry, sad, left out, stuck and no purpose in life.

It isn’t until we start listening to our emotions that we can see a path forward. Most of us do not know ourselves that well. We spend more time getting to know our partners or friends and our work better than diving into what makes us tick. When we can get real clear on who we are and our preferences, we can make healthy boundaries. It is truly profound who you can transform into and become when you truly start being who you are.

I believe that we all have a purpose here. There are those that are in flow, doing what comes so naturally and they have found rhythm within themselves and it pours out and into the world making and impact on many or even just a few. It’s not about how many people you can serve, but that you create joy within yourself while doing it. Then there are those that say they are lost, they have no purpose, no drive or desire. No one is lost, you are just wondering around with no light. Chances are that you too are running on old programming. That’s like putting a dark blanket on your head while trying to navigate a city you have never been in. The light comes from clarity of who you are. Understanding the reasons that you make choices and decision. Allowing yourself to rewrite the beliefs that you were taught and how to take what you now understand to apply it to your life. We don’t stop and question our choices or why we overreact or for some never react. We tend to react over respond and there is a huge difference.

I think there is a reason that we hold onto all the crappy times and replay them in our minds during and after breakups, losses and huge identity shifts. It’s our subconscious trying to make sense of situations. Its our brain trying to find solutions or patterns. The lesson will keep showing up, until we sit in that uncomfortable space of really looking at the lessons. We must see the pattern first in order to correct the programing or trauma in so that we do not attract that relationship or situation again.

Let’s take my lesson: I attracted partners that were emotionally unavailable, financially took advantage of me, guilted and shamed me for wanting my own things, isolated my time with family and friends, insulted and degraded me.

When I was little, I adored my mother. I wanted her to hug me, read books, support me, listen and laugh with me. She however suffered with depression at times and in her own struggles couldn’t see to the basic needs of 4 daughters. I can still remember trying to get affection from her and she would tell me to sit still or you have to leave. For me, sitting or lying beside her meant my body had to freeze just so I could get the affection that I so desperately wanted. I trained my body to freeze to receive love. I also was expected to pick up the slack of responsibilities around the house. I was expected to work at a very young age. Not leaving much room to be a kid, which lead to me to be more responsible than playful as an adult. My beliefs around money also were created as a child. My dad was a contractor and so it was normal for us to have lots of money at times and barely nothing at others. How money was spent, who was making it and how we made it through I’ll never know. They did the very best they could, given their programing too. I am not upset at how I was raised; I can look back and remember plenty funny and happy moments. My parents had 4 daughters in 3 years, that I’m sure was a challenge in itself.

Being raised this way taught me to be hypersensitive to other people’s emotions, people pleasing, staying small and being super independent. I cringe looking back at the way I was and just like a bad relationship, when you are in it, you don’t see it. If you don’t heal after it, you will have the same relationship on Que.

My transformation happened after a relationship, that was a total dumpster fire, was pulled out from under me. I knew the relationship was toxic. Endless cycles of trying to do more and never feeling like it was ever good enough. I knew I needed to get out of it, I was just shocked when it was him that left 2 days before Christmas. They say there is never a good time to break up or leave and they are right. It needed to happen. I was crushed. not because I loved him, because I was rejected. Pouring everything I had into another person and at the end, he rejected me. Something that I dealt with my entire life. It wasn’t until I discovered Hypnotherapy that change my belief system. My body was a magnet or a frequency that held the programming that would attract someone to reject, take advantage and people please to the best of my ability. I needed to learn that when my needs are not being met to speak up. That too was a programming issue. I didn’t speak up because when I did that meant I got hurt. So how do I speak up for my needs when I know when I do, I get hurt? Can you see where we can get stuck?  Hypnotherapy still helps me clear out old belief programming. I go back to scenes from my past and look at how that got programmed. With the help of the therapist, what I understood at that time of programming, we can rewrite and understand how it should have been then reprogram correctly.

Just imagine that you are in kindergarten and the teacher keeps calling the color blue, red.  Day after day you hear this, she shows you that you color blueberries red. This makes no sense to you but you continue to do what she imprints in your mind. You go your whole life thinking that blueberries are red, the sky is red and the ocean is red. You argue with people around you with what you have been taught. You truly believe that these things are red. It’s not until we hit up against struggles that we start to question the programming. Question the people that programmed us. Even that is a belief that we struggle with. Dare questioning authority because after all, they know better right? Wrong.

I started questioning all the struggles and where I hold myself back. I rewrite the parts that need upgrading to fit the person I know I am. The person that was hidden under the layer of expectations and false identity to survive. I leaned into the person I knew I wanted to be regardless of what others thought. I am nowhere near the finish line of clearing out what doesn’t serve me. There are tons of things I don’t know about myself. I can tell you that the more I lean into finding the clarity of self, the more align I become with my purpose. It’s like life gets lighter. I see the purpose of my life. To serve others, not for huge profits but for the joy I feel giving people light. I look back at all the times that were full of trauma and drama for what reason, other than to learn lesson and expand. I wish one of the first lesson that we are taught as a child is how to process emotions faster. How to feel them as they hit you, what meaning are they giving us and how do we embody them to understand and then let go. The more that we name the emotion and let them go, the faster we can align back up with our soul and keep experiencing things without them taking us down. We are not meant to suffer. We are doing that to ourselves. We don’t know how to respond to discomfort. We react with past programming.

It's my mission to help people transition from one identity to another. If you don’t like where your life is heading, what are you waiting for? There is not one coming to save you. You will wait your whole life to see that you had control the whole time. You need someone to help you reprogram what is hidden deep inside. I took all my struggles and started dealing with them one at a time. I am a changed person. I am so confident, willing to admit my flaws, mistakes and allowing myself to be seen. I believe that you are no different than me. The best parts of us are still lying dormant in our subconscious. Close your eyes and imagine all the trapped possibles that we store. Too afraid to come out and express, to build and dream all because someone programmed us to stay small and silent. Now imagine a world where all the beautiful things can now be shared with everyone. Everyone living to their full potential benefitting from everyone. The more positive things that are out there, the more we want to spread it. For me, watching my clients come alive after sessions and moving in directions that shock them and me is profound. Years and decades spent trapped in emotions, spinning in endless toxic relationship and careers that drain their very soul.

I’m so blessed that I had the life that I have had so far. It taught me that my struggles are the way to freedom and purpose. I needed someone to help me understand, so I could let go. As a Hypnotherapist, I help people see the programming, rewrite memories and start living the life they want. My service to people is to give light at the end of the tunnel, so they too can share their light into the world.

Now if you can, Close your eyes, breath in and out. Imagine being the person you really want to be. How would they feel, what would they wear, where would they vacation, where do they live, what brings them so much joy?? Now open your eyes, if you are not living that life, I can help you get there. Your life is yours to change. If you would like more information on how to work with me to change your life or someone that you know, check out my website at fetchhypotherapy.com and see what a free consultation could do for you. So, get out there and Fetch a life that you want.

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

This summer I was blessed to have watched two of my beautiful nieces get married. Surrounded by family and friend vow to each other to respect, love and honor. In sickness and in health till death do you part.

In a world of traditions, folk lore and myth, I can see how we can get caught up in the fantasy, the expectations and social pressure. We are looking for belonging, admiration and acceptance. I too got swept away in the fairytale. Promises that never held up on either end. Now before you look away, or hit your next button, I am not against marriage, nor relationships. Oh contrary. I love relationships. I love going deep and really knowing what makes people tick. However, I wasn’t always like that. I have had my fair share of toxic relationships, bad business deals and dreams crushed like the next person AND somehow kept picking myself up just to move on quickly back into the same relationship.

Somewhere along the way of self-help book, endless hours of YouTube searching for solutions to make myself happy, I found what my problem was. I didn’t turn bitter and swear off men. I decide to lean in.

What I found, it was me the whole time. Not on purpose of course. I was running on programs that were created as a child. Programs that told me how others should treat me. How I feel about money. How I feel about work. How relationships work. What silence means. How guilt and shame play out in my life. These are all beliefs that are created by the age of 7 and they stay as concreate limits and beliefs until we upgrade them, if ever.

In life, we upgrade our phones, our appliances, our homes, careers, and yes friends, yet never stop to think that maybe our thoughts and beliefs need to be upgraded as well. We upgrade things that no longer are working for us. Society has accepted that up grading material things is a must. We are constantly on the look out for the next best thing, things that we think will make us happier, work easier and give us pleasure. When in fact, if we upgraded our thoughts, we may not need to look for the next thing that makes us happy, because we find pure pleasure in what we already have inside of us. In this noisy world we live in, how can one know what makes them happy when we are more concerned about what everyone else likes or doesn’t. We put more validity in someone else opinions or beliefs than knowing and relying on our own beliefs, want and desires. We spend our energy trying to defend, or convincing someone they are wrong rather than hearing their experience and being curious as to why they feel that way. We give advice to people not looking for it. We project our fears and experiences onto others, instead of listening to them and holding space for them to figure it out themselves.

Relationships are about relating and sometimes we just can’t relate but that doesn’t mean we can’t hold space and hear each other. Silence isn’t a bad thing in conversations. It’s a moment to process what is being said. When someone finally understands a situation, they can then adjust beliefs and get a clear direction of where the next steps can lead. Allowing someone to express thoughts without judgement helps that person unravel problems on their own, which means intergrading lessons learned, therefore healing. When you allow relationships like this in your life, you are more likely to be more successful, find joy and peace. We really are missing the bigger point to what relationships are about. Relationships are not about finding someone that fills voids that make us feel safe, seen or loved. When we look for those parts in another, it’s because we don’t feel that way currently. We look for outside validation, acceptance and even avoidance from another, which are just reflections of what our beliefs are telling us. If we want relationships that last we need to start with ourselves.

We are magnets. We attract people just like us. I know after being in toxic relationships, I can sit back and say, no way am I like that person. When in fact, I was. I was told I wasn’t honest. I was a horrible friend. I was a bad communicator. Here’s the break down.

Neither of us were honest from different points. He was cheating and not being honest. I was not being honest to him or myself about my feelings, emotions and boundaries.

Neither of us were good friends. He never showed up or invested in friendships. I was never raw with friends telling them when they hurt my feelings or when they needed to be called out on something.

Neither of us were good communicators. He used the silent treatment. I tried to just smooth things over to make the problems disappear, rather than speak the truth and make boundaries.

The things that drive us crazy in another, usually is something we need to accept within ourself, and that is a hard pill to swallow or a place to start seeing where your shadows are being cast.

I want to be in a relationship where I can show up as me. In all my shadow parts, the whole person. I have learned to love and accept all my parts so I won’t be looking for it from my partner. Maybe there are parents that sit their kids down and explain what we should look for in a partner, or showed by example what a great relationship can be. I however was taught either. I learned the hard way. My subconscious was programed to take on other people’s emotions, that silence is punishment, not to speak up and that my voice didn’t matter. I created beliefs that kept me in familiar situations, because I didn’t even know that there was something even better out there for me. I was taught to stay small so I won’t get hurt. I attracted people that would match my programming.

After two years of leaning what narcissist abuse was, having hypnotherapy sessions, and a retreat in Costa Rica around boundaries, I finally understood. I started to understanding myself and my beliefs that limit me. They were holding me back from an outstanding life.

When we work on our stuff, we start to attract and accept the good things. We attract better partners, better careers and lifestyles.

We become better at communicating, better at friendships and start feeling safe, loved and accepted within. I don’t need someone to love me. I am Love. I don’t need someone to validate me. I understand and know myself and stand by it. I don’t feel lonely. I am never alone.  Those were states of feelings that were created before the age of 7. I’m an adult know and honestly have been my own parent since I was a child. Was it fair, no. I can either accept and stay as is or challenge my beliefs and have the life I want with out judgement or acceptance of others.

I choose to pick the life I want. I choose the relationships that feel good to me now and that work. I do that because I did the work.

You could find anyone to settle down with, create a life and a family with but before you do that, ask yourself the hard questions:

Am I choosing this person because they help me escape my fear?

Am I choosing this person because I only feel safe, loved and validated when I’m with them?

Can I have hard conversations with the person?

Can I be in a relationship with this person without losing myself?

Have I seen moments where we grow together in struggle?

Can I hold space for my partner to express emotions and figure out their issues for themselves and can they do the same for me?

What we need to understand about relationships is that they are always going to be evolving because we ourselves are always changing. If we allow ourselves to really understand and pull apart our beliefs, challenge the norm then we can create the life we want. We pick a partner that is best matched to us rather than being magnetized unconsciously.

So, lets take some OLD beliefs and create something NEW, nothing borrowed so we won’t be blue. So if you have been in bad relationships and you want to upgrade my suggestions is to start with yourself.

Here are three simple ways to change:

Journaling: Writing can help clarify thoughts and feelings. Set aside time daily or weekly to write about your beliefs, experiences, and emotions. Consider prompts like “what beliefs do I hold about myself that me be limiting?” or “what belief did I create around money, careers and health?”  Each one of them hold a pattern or program that keeps playing out in your life. See how it holds you back. This practice can help increase awareness and deepen insight and promote change.

Mindfulness and Meditation: Engaging in mindfulness practices can help you become more aware of your thoughts and beliefs without judgement.  Mediation allows for a quite space to explore your inner world.  Consider guided meditation that focus on self-discovery or ones specifically aimed at healing limiting beliefs, helping you to observed and release harmful patterns.

Therapeutic Techniques: Explore therapies such as CBT and Hypnotherapy.  These approaches can provide structured ways to identify and challenge negative beliefs.  Working with a trained therapists offers a safe environment for introspection and can help you navigate deeper emotional issues leading to belief changes.

Incorporating these methods can lead to profound insights and a healthier mindset. With this approach you then have created a strong foundation of which new healthier relationships can thrive in.

This whole world is a relationship. The more you know about yourself the better you can navigate it with confidence. I know you have it in to change. I know you have the desire, take the steps. What I have learned about loving again, is that it took seeing may part in the relationship. Where I was falling short. Where my beliefs were running the show unconsciously. I learned that if I wanted true love, I needed to learn how to love myself first. Find out what my needs were, why I allow people to treat me a certain way. I needed to make those discoveries about myself if I wanted to attract a better partner. The more I understand myself, the better I am in showing up authentically and so are they.

I have created a 5-week Boyfriend Reboot Program that helps upgrade your love life. It’s a daily step by step practice to insights and awareness. Helpful tools and hypnotherapy to fast and profound healing. Healing that takes sometimes just moments, not years to see results. I also offer 1 on 1 sessions on specific topics like fears, phobias, confidence, anxiety and depressions. I offer couples coaching for those that really want to fix the root issues and fall back in love, cause lets be honest it isn’t about how they load this dishwasher, it’s built-up beliefs in your subconscious. Together we can reprogram what needs an upgrade. Get out there and Fetch a great life.

How Hypnotherapy is like Compound Interest

Here is how we can start investing in our Mental and Emotional health the same way we use Compound Interest Theory. We spend so much of our time investing in our financial goals, but where do we stand on our mental and emotional health goals?

Ever wonder why, how very successful musician, actors, business executives, the biggest names out there, can have all the fame, money and a lifestyle most would droll to have, but yet still really unhappy with life? We all see them spin out of control. They may excel to the top, just as fast as they drop. There are some that may not show the world their drama but behind closed doors no matter how much they have, still don’t feel successful. The truth is that no matter how much or how far you go, you can still feel lack if you have a belief system that you don’t understand. People know how to navigate social media and finances better than their own self-beliefs which is the subconscious programming running your life.

Wither you know it or not, the healthier you are in your emotions, the more likely you will go after bigger dreams and passions but most important, be happy and content during and after reaching goals. Yes, there are lots of people that are extremely successful and that don’t have the healthiest emotions or behaviors but how happy and content are they? They still question their worth and their value. They still wonder if someone will find them as an imposter. They still think it will all be taken away.

The concepts of hypnosis and compound interest may seem worlds apart, but there are intriguing parallels between the two when it comes to the personal growth and financial prosperity. Both hypnosis and compound interest hinge on the principle of small, consistent actions leading to significant transformations over time. Let’s explore the benefits of using hypnosis for mental and emotional health, comparing to how compound interest works in finance, and offers strategies to cultivate habits that promote growth in both areas of life.

Understanding hypnosis and its benefits.

Hypnosis is a therapeutic technique that utilizes focused attention and relaxation to facilitate positive change in mental health.  Here are some ways hypnosis contributes to personal growth:

1.      Stress Reduction: Hypnosis induces a state of relaxation that helps alleviate stress and anxiety. By practicing self-hypnosis or seeking out professionals, like myself, individuals can create a calm mindset, similar to how small saving can grow over time.

2.      Behavior Changes: Just as compound interest grows as a result of consistent investments, hypnosis encourages consistent behavioral changes.  It can help in overcoming challenges like addiction, phobias, and unhealthy habits, like smoking, self- sabotage, money blocks, relationship issues, confidence and self-worth, leading to long-lasting improvements in mental and emotional health. Reprogramming these subconscious beliefs allows you to go beyond what you think is possible.

3.      Enhanced Focus and Clarity: Hypnosis can sharpen concentration and enhance mental clarity, providing individuals with the focus needed to pursue personal and professional goals effectively.

The Power of Compound Interest

In finance, compound interest refers to the process by which the interest earned on an investment is reinvested to generate additional earnings over time.  This concept can inspire individuals to approach their mental health in a similar manner:

1.      Small Investments yield big returns: just like financial investments, small efforts in mental health, such as daily mindfulness practices or therapy sessions, accumulate and compound over time, leading to significant improvements.

2.      Consistency is key: Maintaining consistent habits, whether in saving money or practicing mental and emotional wellness techniques, is crucial for reaping the benefits. Regular engagements in hypnosis and self- reflection can also lead to a more stable emotional foundation.

3.      Mindset Shifts: Understanding that both mental, emotional health and financial growth require time and patience and can shift one’s mindset from immediate gratification to long-term success.

Creating Habits for Personal and Financial Growth

To effectively harness the benefits of hypnosis for mental and emotional health alongside the principles of compound interest for financial growth, individuals can implement the following strategies:

1.      Set clear goals: Define specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals for both mental, emotional health and financial aspirations.  This clarity fosters a focused approach.

2.      Daily Practices: Incorporate daily self-hypnosis or mindfulness exercises to reinforce positive mental and emotional habits.  Establish a regular saving or investing routine, even if the amounts are small, to build financial security.

3.      Track Progress: Keep a journal where you can record both mental and emotional health practices and financial milestones. Tracking progress allows for recognition of small wins, reinforcing motivation.

4.      Embrace Patience: Recognize that both mental and emotional health improvement and financial growth take time. Cultivating patience helps in sticking to long-term strategies, even when immediate results are not evident.

5.      Seek Support: Just as financial advisors can provide guidance on investments, consider working with a hypnotherapist or coach trained to enhance in personal growth. Support systems boost accountability and foster sustained engagement.

Conclusion

Hypnosis and compound interest serve as powerful metaphors for understanding personal growth and financial prosperity.  By drawing parallels between these concepts, individuals can develop habits that promote mental and emotional wellness while building financial stability.  Just as compound interest rewards patience and consistency, so too does the commitment to mental and emotional health yield immense benefits over time.  By fostering these connections, individuals will be better equipped to improves their lives holistically.

It is possible to have it all. Success, love abundance, joy, peace at the same time knowing and believing that you are worth it and you deserve it. That you don’t have to settle for one or the other.

Healing your relationships start with you.

We need to accept people for who and where they are in life and sometimes it’s not them that need to change. It is us. We need to accept that we need more and that is not selfish. That they are giving all they can. You can only love someone as much as you love yourself. You can only accept as much love as you were given as a child. When you pour love onto someone that can’t accept it, it feels gross to them. Sounds strange, I know. Love doesn’t always feel good, even though from your prospective it is kind and loving. They can’t handle how that feels on the inside of their body. The emotional body would experience the same kind of response that the physical body would experience if a person didn’t eat for weeks, water only, then ate a steak. Their belly would have the worse stomach pains because it wasn’t used to having to digest food. It would then take time for the body to work up to the point where eating food became normal without pain. Emotional starvation is the same. If someone that has never had consistent love, kind words, attention, admiration or feel worthy, they too would need time to adjust. Unfortunately, people understand physical eating and diet much better than what our subconscious and emotional bodies need.

You also can not ask others to give you something they actually cannot. They cannot give you something like kind words, attention, truth, honesty if they don’t possess themselves. It would be like asking a blind person to describe a rainbow to you. It is not their fault they can’t. The pain and frustration between your relationship is trying to give each other what you don’t have or won’t accept.

You can’t do the work for them. Everyone has a journey. Not everyone sees they could change for the better or even want to change. Change is something that happens every day, regardless if we see it or not. Yet, people fear it. You have to be willing to accept people for where they are. They may not be willing to change. So instead, work on you. Someone or something is waiting for your kind of love, your type of relationship, commitment and communication. If you keep holding out and waiting for this person, or career to change, you are only holding yourself back.

The real healing starts when you know in your heart that you should move on but don’t know how. There is a trapped emotion in you that says to hold on for some subconscious reason. You will have this constant fight between your head and your heart every day. I’ll tell you; emotions (your heart) will win every time. Your emotions tell you mind what to do. Not the other way around. Once your emotions have had the clarity of why you can’t let go or move on, you will move on. Understanding is power, and in Hypnosis we use the subconscious to get to the root of the issue, transform the belief. Not in years, but profound healing, sometimes in a few sessions. Habits and limiting beliefs that would take years to unravel with traditional therapy. You then can create wonderful relationships, new careers and life styles that you actually love and deserve.

We all have a journey. Yours is to heal, grow and be you. When you start healing you, you start healing the world.

Reinventing life at any age

You would never show up at the airport with luggage, walk to the counter and say I need a ticket to anywhere and expect to have the most amazing vacation, would you? Life is just like that. We need to have an idea of what we want to experience. We need to know what to pack or unpack. Your luggage is full of old beliefs that are holding you back and don’t need to go. You may also need to swap them for some upgraded confidence and self-worth. Plus, if you give someone else the choice of where you go, I’m telling you, it’s more than likely where they want to go. Not where you had in mind. Stop allowing others to plan your life, make choices for you and live out their life. If you just show up, life will just happen. Take charge of your own life. Reinvent the person you want to be. Start from where you are. I can help plan that out with you.

Seems impossible you think. I know, I thought the same thing. How in the midst of all this chaos do I change this situation to a life that I want? Seem like a distant mountain and you have no idea how to even start. Yeah, either did I. Yet, here I am. Living a life I dreamed of. That’s where you start. Right from this very spot. It doesn’t matter if you feel like you can’t get out or have no money or support. If your mind can visualize it, it can happen. Your mind is brilliant and can create many different paths you want. You just have to be clear enough to know where and what that looks like. Our minds, when given a task will do whatever it takes to make it happen. Somethings can and have happened overnight, other things will take time for the outside world to catch up to your dreams.  This is not woo woo stuff. There are studies out there that show your brain doesn’t know the difference between real and not real when it comes to visualizing things. If in your mind you are practicing playing the piano, it’s the same as actually practicing on a piano. The same parts of your brain will light up. Fascinating. When you believe in something, your mind makes it happen.

Change your mindset is number one. Let go of limiting beliefs. They hold you back from the person that you are. That person is within you. You have just forgot they are in there. Someone has put limits on you that are not yours to carry any longer. When you believe those lies, you will not move beyond them, even though you have so much more potential. You are stuck in lies.

Change the labels others have put on you. When you were born, you were given a script and mask of who you should be. Sound familiar? Be this person, not you. So unfair. Before you could even show the world who you are, you were told not to show up. Play a part and stay in line. Ask yourself the hard questions. What do I not like about my life and why? Where would I have gotten that belief? Is this something I can change? Start questioning everything. Then start asking yourself, what do I like? What are my preferences? Slowly you will start seeing glimpse of yourself, keep going and hold your ground. Peal back the labels and find you.

Prioritize yourself. We have been conditioned to always put other first. Yes, there are time we need to do that. A lot of times, we are filling other peoples cups up before our own. Not to mention that our cup is pretty dry. We do not have much left to give. Focus on your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. This is your foundation. Check in with yourself through out the day, set a timer if needed, to see where you are running low and make adjustments. 1% change everyday is all you need for a 365% change in 1 year, remember that. Small and steady wins at life. Know you are enough!

Change habits. Good or bad they shape where life goes. Hypnotherapy can help transform habits into life changing results. Letting go of ones that hold you back for moving ahead will shift your life. Are you ready for a shift?

Step out of your comfort zone. We will stay in a zone even if it makes us suffer. People fear the unknown. That is something that we have been taught. We would rather stay with the known pain than the uncertainty of the future. When you can get beyond that fear, great things will happen. Thank goodness Christpher Columbus didn’t fear the ocean or that Henry Ford didn’t care what his neighbors thought about his automobile idea. If we started to care more about how we felt and thought about our life, over what the outside world felt and thought, what kind of better world would we be living in? Build confidence! Fear will fall away.     

Plan your life out. This is something we were never taught. Yet when we are building businesses and working for others, there is a plan. You need one too. When you have a clear direction of where you are going, a north star, you are more likely to make it. Get clear on what that is. I work with people to figure out what that is. Investing time in planning out our life shows your heart and mind that you mean business. They need to work together and the will. We just haven’t ever been shown that. Once you start seeing the plan work out, you will be amazed.  Lean in to yourself!

Trapped within myself

I can look back at my last 47 years and see how far I have come. The achievements I have had. The loses. The joy and heartbreak. My biggest moment is when I finally let go of the person, I thought I had to be. I can remember what it felt like to be trapped in a space where I couldn’t move or breathe. How I thought, which mostly was confused, is where my life was going? I wondered if I could hold all my emotion in, financially take care of it all, raise 2 daughters and come across as this perfect woman to the world. All because I didn’t want to be rejected. I never felt that I was good enough. Yet looking back, holy crap, I did all that stuff. I did keep my emotion in check. I completely kicked ass when it came to financially providing for my daughters. While not always looking perfect, I was a good friend. Yet actually doing it, I still struggled inside because I was being told it wasn’t enough. I believed that lie.

I really felt trapped, empty and lifeless in my own body. I felt like I was spinning out of control. Our minds are brilliant in creating beliefs to keep us safe. They think they are helping and until there are told other-wise, they continue running the program they were designed to run.   This particular program was FEAR OF REJECTION. When we are born, we need to be a part of a tribe in order to survive. If you are rejected, they throw you out to fend and die by yourself. That does not sound great to me. This is all subconscious so it not like there is an alarm in our minds that goes off and says “hey! You don’t have to follow these rules anymore to live. You are free to make your own choices.”. If that happened, we all would be living out our best lives. We all have subconscious beliefs that run our lives. Some are really good beliefs that make us successful, achieve the goals, attract things we want. However, there are the ones that hide deep down that keep nagging us that we are not enough, that it is not available or that we are not loveable.

Looking back, I have so much compassion for her. Her unwillingness to see what reality was. I can see how she got there. I can see how hard she had to fight to get out of that trapped world that she created. Those beliefs trapped her in a world that was built on lies. We are trained little soldiers. Doing what we have been told. Stand in line, don’t talk and do this, not that. The program was created to run. As we get older, we then take the role as the leader, then commanding others to do the same. It’s a cycle we are trapped in. Only when you recognize that you are holding a weapon or one is being held to you, do you step back and say “Hey, what the hell? This does not feel good.” Awakening to oneself is huge. It’s finally looking at the little child inside and hearing them, understanding them and then protecting them in a way that should have been done back then. This is the true meaning to healing the inner child. We can not go back and expect the people that raised us or the people that hurt us to fix what they hurt or broke. Most of the time, they are unaware, unbothered, will make excuses, even though valid, it still gives no validation or closure to how we interpeptide the situation. It is really is up to us to go back with adult minds and make sense of it. This is shadow work. Going back to a time that sucked, bringing the much need light to it so then you can move on and release that trapped emotion and live the lives we really want and deserve.

The freedom I feel now is beyond words. I was trapped within myself. I was just a little girl in pain, still trying to figure out how to be enough. How to feel love in a world that seemed like it didn’t care. Also, to find stability in her surroundings that would make her feel safe enough to trust her gut and lean in.  

Every day I put my hands on my heart and thank the universe for this abundant life that I have, one that felt like I never deserved. I am so grateful for the lessons and the teachers out there. Staying small hurts from the inside out. Allowing myself to be heard, seen and loved has been the most precious gift I could have given to myself. I want the same for you.

Mood forecaster of the Family?

Are you the mood forecaster of the family? Whose emotions are you managing? Do you spend more time managing other peoples’ emotion over your own just so you can have a good day? Ever wonder how and why you do this? So many questions I ask you. First thing I know for sure, is that awareness to these questions is the first step in changing this pattern. Emotions start in the nervous system. It starts with a situation, it then hits your nervous system, then your emotions kick in, then you create a belief system, you then do an action and you get a result. That is the cycle or where patterns begin. This is the same pattern for good situations and bad ones. If you were taught in a good way how to handle that situation you will continue to have that always play out with minimal variance. However, if you didn’t have the support to work through the situation then you are unlikely to know how to act going forward. Creating that unhealthy pattern you don’t know how to get out of.

For example: You walk into a room where your parents are fighting, you have no idea why they are fighting. Your nervous system senses that this does not feel good. You tighten up, maybe hide, maybe think it’s your fault. Door slams, people leave or the silence treatment starts. No one comes to you to explain what happened. No one comforted you. The result, you were left with all kinds of questions, uncertain of what to feel and how to let go of the emotions that were just slammed at you. A pattern just started. You then will form a belief that maybe it’s you, or people leave when you fight so don’t fight with anyone, people shut you out so let’s make them happy so they do not do that to you. You will continue this pattern until you understand a better way to handle that situation. As an adult you can sit back and say, duh, I know I had nothing to do with that, but your little 5-year-old self did not. They are the one you have to go back and teach. Sit in that space and say “that was so wrong, they didn’t teach me how to handle emotions or situations.”  What is a better way to handle that?

If you want to break a pattern you do have to see where it started from. Hypnotherapy takes the short cut. Your brilliant mind stores all these little gems of dysregulation in your subconscious just waiting for you to come back and correct them. Until then you are in a loop of conditioning, a pattern of misunderstanding. In Hypnotherapy we look at these scenes together and process them the way it should have been handled. Lovingly letting them go.

I grew up thinking that if I just was one step ahead of others people’s emotions than mine were safe. There explosive, or silent treatment would hit my nervous system and my body would freeze. It sucked to always be waling on eggshells. Wondering what little thing would set them off. There for if I just ran ahead of them and made sure that everything was perfect that the outburst would not happen. Good in theory but that was not the case. SO not only was I trying to avoid their emotions, I was people pleasing to the very finest. It was never good enough.

What I should have been taught, was that people are responsible for their own emotions. It’s ok to have emotions. For the love of God, feel them, express them and let them go. We are not meant to hold onto them, nor project them onto another for them to figure out. It’s hard to sit in a space with someone that is crying, someone that is upset and angry. Our body feels awkward and has not been trained how to hold space without taking on others’ emotions. This is a skill we need to practice. Once you do, it is a game changer for everyone. You allow yourself to truly listen to the other. It builds trust in the relationship. It allows the other person to connect to themselves and you at the same time without feeling judged. Conversation will get easier. When you know that you can trust someone with your emotions and feeling, you go deeper with them. People just want to be understood and or heard. It does not mean they are right and you are wrong. We just need to hear their side without attacking, defending and shutting down prior to emotions being expressed. If you think about it, its all you want too. Why would they be any different?

I spent my youth and up until recently, managing other peoples’ emotions. I never even look at mine. By always dealing with theirs, I ignored mine. I never put what I wanted ahead of them. I would consider how it affected others over what gain I would get. I held myself back from shining, moving ahead with things that would really bring me joy. All to just make things smoother for them. I held myself back constantly and did not even know I was doing that. I kept myself small to let someone else feel big. I kept my mouth shut so they could speak nonsense. I let them tell me who I should be instead of knowing who I am. All because I had a belief that I needed to manage other peoples’ emotions to keep me safe. Our minds are brilliant and they do their very best to create ways that they think keep us safe and alive. At some point, we have to be aware that they no longer serve us. Some beliefs hold us back and need to go so we can be our potential.

Working on the shadow parts of us, the parts that just need light brought to them so they can be let go, is my most favorite part of life now. The freedom I see in people when these beliefs leave are magical. I want that for you.

Close your eyes, imagine what your life would feel like just managing how you feel each day. Say “Self, where would you go? What things would you do differently?”.  You could breathe, you could dream. You can be that person. You just need to put yourself first. It not selfish, it’s your life and you deserve this happiness too.

Getting used to the silence was harder than living with all the screaming.

Getting used to the silence was harder than living with all the screaming. While living my whole life in trauma and drama, one would think, how could that be? When your home is filled with screaming, fighting and often then the silent treatment, the dysregulation of emotions was the only thing constant. Never were there long moments of time when one could just breath. Just one day of reprieve would have been the most refreshing break. Walking on eggshells was the norm. Somedays the eggshells would have been nice, sometimes it felt like walking through minefields. Tip toe through explosive emotions. When those would blow, it wasn’t the wounded that got looked after, it was the one that set them off. This was normal. As an adult now, I can look back and completely understand the pressure and situation that surrounded me. As a child, I could not. If I close my eyes, I see myself looking like one might watch on a documentary on WW2. A little girl scrunched into a ball holding her ears as mistle are being dropped. The mass confusing swirling around her, as she freezes as close to the ground as she can get.

What people need to understand is, this is where beliefs are created and then stored until we can go back, feel and understand them. A childhood like this created normalcy for me. The inconsistent emotional neglect and abuse from all sorts of family members made it hard to even see that some homes felts safer than mine. We also were taught that what happens at home stays at home. Again, no outlet to express feelings or compare. This normalcy, then ripples out to the relationships that I drew towards me. Like magnets, I attracted relationships that would have looked very much like my childhood. As an adult, I allowed partners to treat me exactly the way I was brought up. I allowed and tolerated work situations to be abusive. We accept what is familiar to us even if it causes us pain. When we can heal the pain, we can make new choices.

My first hypnotherapy session was to heal a little girl that was sexually assaulted by her grandfather up to the age of 8. A discover that only surfaced at the age of 30, while going through a divorce. Shocking as that seems, I buried that shit so far down that not even those explosives from the childhood minefield could blow up. That session was so profound that I knew that someday, I was going to do this for others. I wanted others to feel the freedom that I did. When the healing for this little girl happened, my life started shifting. I was able to see things and handle situations as an adult would. Rather than the frozen 8-year-old. Understand this, the moment you freeze in a situation that you can’t understand, your processing life and situation from the lens of an 8-year-old. That is when the shift happened. I was now seeing how someone was treating me, but now my response was handled differently. I was the healed version. Kate 2.0. I do not put up with that shit. What I did not understand then, I do now. I am an adult and I do things better. I set better boundaries and I do not do toxic anymore.  

Fast forward to more healing with hypnosis and my bullshit meter went way down. I ripped my life apart. Full rapture people. I saw the foundation that I had built a life on was sand. If I wanted any redemption on life, I was starting over. That meant yes losing a lot but what I gained is priceless. Silence and peace. That too come with a price. Awkwardness. I had to get used to the uncomfortable. When you live for 46 years always waiting for the shoe to drop, walking on eggshells, the I’m never good enough feelings, the I have no idea how to get the fuck out of this mess! Then land in silence, one would think, finally I made it. Yes, you did. But that is not where it ends. Your body, your soul and you mind is not used to this. You feel like something is off, something is missing. Your nervous system has been in such a hyper overdrive that down shifting is really hard. This is where most people will circle back and go back to toxic relationships because in the silence, you do not know what to do with yourself. It is like the amazing gift you have always wanted, then you get it and it feels…. Wrong.

I can tell you, it’s normal. It will take time. You need that. You need to heal. You can not start to heal until you stop getting beaten. It takes 21 days to create new habits. The silence is painful at first, then you will settle into it and you will never allow yourself to step back into those relationships again. I will never tolerate now what I so blindly did back then.

I work with people, who feel like, getting out of these endless traps will never happen. I was the little girl that covered and hid from the world. I was too afraid to show up and shine. I was too afraid to speak my truth, go after the things I truly wanted and take up as much fucking space as I want. I thought that the screaming would never end, but it did. I now sit in silence, surrounded by peace and love every second, even though at first it was torture. You can do it too. You are not alone.

I was born pure love and light as were you!  I am here to show people that while we have built lives on foundations that are not ideal, at any age, you can change them. Live the life you want. Create your own beliefs.

Hypnotherapy saved my life. The direction I was going was unknown, I now know where I’m going and that is where ever the hell I want. I’m in control now.

Ask yourself, “Self, where would you go if there were no limits? What holds you back?”

Whose Game of Life are you playing?

There are two sides to every story and then there is the truth. When you can sit and hold space to hear all three sides, that is true transformation. Truth may not always be about being right because through each eye, they are right. The other wants you to see their reality. Their reality is their truth. As your reality is yours. What if we just looked at it as though they are just perception of what we have been told or shown as truth?

What if we pause and question, are the very things I have built my life, my foundation of life on, even true for me? Maybe it was someone’s truth, but is it mine?

Cultures across this world see things differently, and for many different reasons. Situations, misunderstanding and lack of connection leads to many beliefs being formed. This isn’t anything new. It has been happening since this world started spinning. Everyone and I mean everyone has their own experiences. Beliefs are passed down generation after generation. Ultimately, they are there to serve a purpose of some kind. To keep us alive and safe. It also gives us hope and faith. Beliefs are the conscious and unconscious laws and rules we use to run our life. Look at it like this, we are in a game of life. When we are born, we land on the board. We have no idea what the rules are. What do the other pieces mean? We put values on spots. Trade money to buy land just so we can drain the accounts from other people, just to win? Really, what is the point? We have been told the game is to WIN! Win at what?

At the end, the winner takes the fame, all the money and bragging the rights. The other players feel like failures, like they were not good enough and should have rolled the dice differently. All because someone told us how to play the game. Instead, if you had known that someone just made up the rules that you have just been unconsciously following. Maybe you would have not played. You just were playing their game, their rules. So, when you get mad and feel as though you have been taken advantage of, or something doesn’t quite resonate with you, it’s probably because you are playing their truth. It doesn’t feel good. Your truth feels different.

Real life is no different. We each have landed in countries, cities, small towns and families that have created beliefs for us. We are born into them. Our minds are doing what they know will keep us safe and alive. We choose to believe what someone shows us. We mirror it. We don’t know the difference. We don’t question. We carry on as if their experiences are our truths. Their hurts become ours. The way we are treated are the ways we accept or treat others. Perception is through our eyes.

After spending an entire life looking, feeling and hearing through others perspective on their experiences and then doing the inner work, man did my eyes open. Not only was I living other people’s truth but it was passed down truth.

How long are we going to spend living other peoples lives? Their misfortune? Their mistakes? Their choices? Beliefs that kept them stuck? Beliefs that limited where they could go and what they could do.

I have learned through Hypnosis that I needed to hold space for myself first. Find my truth. Uncover what makes me feel happy. Find what holds me back. I keep finding them, but instead of keeping it hidden, I bring them to the light. I change the belief that was installed and I transform it into a new belief that propels me towards the future I know with unshakeable conviction, I deserve.

I then can hold space for others, to help them see their truth. The shadows they are scared to see, the ones they don’t know that follow them around all day. The ones that hold them back. They are looking through truths that are not theirs.

This is where the magic happens. Once we can hold our own truth, allow others to hold their truth, true peace, connections and abundance happens. When you are happy living in your truth, living from an authentic soul, you have no desire to see others suffer, feel pain, manipulate to your gain. You don’t allow others to control you. Consciously or unconsciously. You live from peace and want the same for others.

I have never had a career where I feel like my true purpose was to serve others. In the past it was a mindset to work for others. Now, to me, sitting and holding space for people and getting to know who they are down to the deepest part of them is humbling but mostly honoring. The most precious gift I could get from someone is the trust they give me to help them to the light. The crazy thing is, all I am giving is space. Space to find their truth and for most of us, the parts of us we have never seen, knew existed or the truth of a future, where we control the game of life.

Ask yourself?  As my dad would say, “Self, what truth do you hold from yourself?  What truth do you deny in others? How do we hold space for others so we can see the truth between us?

Beliefs create games we play, rules that others have to follow. When you are ready to stop playing that game and take control, hypnotherapy is life changing. It changed my whole life. I am here to help change yours.

What we want, we already have.

The very things we want in life, already exists in us. Freedom, love, attention, wealth and abundance. The issues are, that we have been condition to look outside of us for it. Am I right? I know that has been my experience. As a little girl, I so desperately wanted to be loved. I wanted to be held, read too, played with, supported, laughed with, and understood for who I was, not what someone wanted me to be. Now there were moments that I did get those things, I’m not here to say my parents are horrible. They did the best they could with the skills they had. They too had their own struggles with childhood, that just trickles down through generations. I understand that and have great compassion for the generation before me, however, I’m not going to sit back and say my needs, very simple needs were not met. Because of that, I formed a belief that I was not good enough. Afterall, if they loved me, if I was good enough, they would have held me, read, played, supported, laughed and understood me. So, because that was so inconsistent, given then withheld, it made me believe also that love comes with conditions.  The worst is, I didn’t know what those conditions were. I would have done it, just to have what I desperately wanted and deserved.

As a small child I had no idea what I was missing, all we can do live through emotions. I can tell you, I felt sad, confused, lonely, rejected and unwanted. No, I never expressed that. None of us did. Most of us are raised to be seen and not heard so why would we know what is normal. My life would then play out to chase after love. Not a good one either. One, that like childhood, would play out familiar. AS the saying goes, “the names are made up but the problems are real”. Same problems just different names in each situation. I would be with someone that would give love then take it away, inconsistent, silent and then smothered in public. Play with me out but put me on a shelf at home. Not support me but expect all my support. Chasing for love in my adult life was the exact love life I grew up with.

Growing up I did not feel worthy of love, or great things and I really did not feel good enough. I created a magnet within myself that pulled others that felt exactly the same. A toxic combination, a cycle of neglect and abuse, love and rejection.

I did not know this was not normal; this had been my whole life.

This is how beliefs are formed, how we create a life around them. Good or bad. We were trying as children to understand what was going on around us. What’s normal, we will repeat.

We capture moments in time that we do not understand, we freeze. We hold onto all the emotions that we did not know how to process and how to understand so we hold onto them. WHAT WE DO NOT UNDERTAND WE HOLD ONTO TILL WE DO. Until someday we can understand and then let them go. So, for just 1 min, let that sink in. There are moments in time that are being stored in your body, just waiting for you to come back and make sense of them so they can be released. These moments are stored with emotions of fear, phobias, behaviors and even illness. They are not only just waiting to be released; they play roles in your life. They limit your success. They keep you stuck in bad relationships. They hide in your procrastination and in your lack of confidence. That sore throat you have because you have a fear of speaking up or owning your truth. That’s just one way these stored emotions show up.

I tell you these stories because I finally found my way out. A way to peace. A way to freedom. A purpose in life. My greatest challenges in life lead me here because of these beliefs and I could not be happier. I’m thankful for the lessons I learned, the teachers that gave them to me. Truly.

Hypnotherapy truly and profoundly changed my life. It is my purpose to help as many people feel the freedom, peace and connection that I have now in my life. To watch others, transform in front of me, sometimes brings tears to my eyes. Its like watching grief leave though someone’s eyes. I see pain leave bodies. There is a light that turns on, a weight that is gone that brings me so much joy.

To me, this is how I explain Hypnotherapy.

Every day you put yourself into dream like states, driving cars, day dreaming, right before your fall asleep and right before you wake up. We get you into this relaxing state and with my guidance, your brilliant mind know exactly were to go.

We then together go back to scenes, and like a best friend, I sit in that space with you. You are not reliving it. You are watching as an adult, but this time with understanding. Understanding is power and understanding is what liberates us. We then let go of those emotions from those moments, the beliefs we formed disappear too. Then we allow and create new beliefs that we know we deserve and want.  

Most people will say, “I don’t want to feel that again, it was too painful the first time”. I can say, true, but you are still feeling it every day. It affects you every day. You can keep shoving it down but the truth is, this pain holds you down, holds you back from a life you deserve.

Transform your beliefs and transform your life.

I can truly say, I wake up and say I LOVE MY LIFE, FINALLY I LOVE MY LIFE. I want that for you.

Fetching Sticks

Sticks are just things we chase after in life. We start out as puppies thinking, wow this is great, someone wants us. They picked me out of all the others, yay me! They must really love me. After all, they throw these wooden things, and I just love going and getting them. If I do it exactly the way they like, they tell me “I am good”. Sometimes they give me a treat or a reward of some sort, but most of the time they just toss it back out for me to fetch. After a while, I just get tired of chasing that damn stick.  What I really want most of the time is just a pat on the head, a walk through the woods, lots of attention and mostly love. I want to do the things that I love to do, but it seems all they are interested in are the Sticks.

Sounds like life to me. We come through our parents into this world with our own missions and purpose and somehow, we become the dog that fetches others sticks instead of our own. Life tells us to push through the hard moments and I finally called Bullshit on my life. I am the dog that was tired of fetching other people’s dreams and desires. Go get this and go get that, all to bring it back and it just be “okay”. That tiny treat or reward I got was not enough. I was never enough or at least that is how I felt. Then again, why would I not feel that way. I would hustle and hustle and still have no idea if I were getting anywhere or even pleasing them. It certainly did not feel like it. Where was I going in my own life? I was not chasing my dreams, only fetching theirs.

The dilemma arises when you no longer want to play fetch. Oh, they do not like that. They will say “what wrong with you?”. I would then feel like shit going back and chasing it again for a while. Just to come back with the same thought, “Kate, what the hell are you doing? You are better than this.” The struggles are real my friends. We lock ourselves into pleasing people because way back we formed a belief that to get love and attention, we needed to chase after it. That “it” was always what the other person wanted. Never consider what I might want and need. It never even crossed my mind that I had a choice. This is where beliefs are formed. Really young. We get so confused about what true love really means, that we attach a different meaning to it. We as humans crave love, attention, to be seen and heard and have purpose. Our beliefs will shape how we go about getting the life we want if we ever do.

I am a firm believer that we come into this world with a great mission. I always believed that. However, my childhood was full of trauma and drama and that continued for 45 years. Yes, 45 years. I thought I would never stop going after what others wanted me to do. Then one day, I had a wake-up call. I was tired of chasing sticks!

So, my question is, “Are you tired of chasing sticks?”

Fetch Hypnotherapy helps people find the beliefs that hold them back or behaviors that keep them stuck in life. Many people struggle with pain every day that shows up like depression, anxiety, people pleasing and addictions. Hypnotherapy is different than a lot of other therapies. RTT is fast and gets to the root of the issues, making transformation faster. We have spent our whole lives dealing with these beliefs and issues, why waste any more time carrying them around. People spend years trying to talk their way out of the life they have, RTT takes action. Lets start this journey together.