Mood forecaster of the Family?
Are you the mood forecaster of the family? Whose emotions are you managing? Do you spend more time managing other peoples’ emotion over your own just so you can have a good day? Ever wonder how and why you do this? So many questions I ask you. First thing I know for sure, is that awareness to these questions is the first step in changing this pattern. Emotions start in the nervous system. It starts with a situation, it then hits your nervous system, then your emotions kick in, then you create a belief system, you then do an action and you get a result. That is the cycle or where patterns begin. This is the same pattern for good situations and bad ones. If you were taught in a good way how to handle that situation you will continue to have that always play out with minimal variance. However, if you didn’t have the support to work through the situation then you are unlikely to know how to act going forward. Creating that unhealthy pattern you don’t know how to get out of.
For example: You walk into a room where your parents are fighting, you have no idea why they are fighting. Your nervous system senses that this does not feel good. You tighten up, maybe hide, maybe think it’s your fault. Door slams, people leave or the silence treatment starts. No one comes to you to explain what happened. No one comforted you. The result, you were left with all kinds of questions, uncertain of what to feel and how to let go of the emotions that were just slammed at you. A pattern just started. You then will form a belief that maybe it’s you, or people leave when you fight so don’t fight with anyone, people shut you out so let’s make them happy so they do not do that to you. You will continue this pattern until you understand a better way to handle that situation. As an adult you can sit back and say, duh, I know I had nothing to do with that, but your little 5-year-old self did not. They are the one you have to go back and teach. Sit in that space and say “that was so wrong, they didn’t teach me how to handle emotions or situations.” What is a better way to handle that?
If you want to break a pattern you do have to see where it started from. Hypnotherapy takes the short cut. Your brilliant mind stores all these little gems of dysregulation in your subconscious just waiting for you to come back and correct them. Until then you are in a loop of conditioning, a pattern of misunderstanding. In Hypnotherapy we look at these scenes together and process them the way it should have been handled. Lovingly letting them go.
I grew up thinking that if I just was one step ahead of others people’s emotions than mine were safe. There explosive, or silent treatment would hit my nervous system and my body would freeze. It sucked to always be waling on eggshells. Wondering what little thing would set them off. There for if I just ran ahead of them and made sure that everything was perfect that the outburst would not happen. Good in theory but that was not the case. SO not only was I trying to avoid their emotions, I was people pleasing to the very finest. It was never good enough.
What I should have been taught, was that people are responsible for their own emotions. It’s ok to have emotions. For the love of God, feel them, express them and let them go. We are not meant to hold onto them, nor project them onto another for them to figure out. It’s hard to sit in a space with someone that is crying, someone that is upset and angry. Our body feels awkward and has not been trained how to hold space without taking on others’ emotions. This is a skill we need to practice. Once you do, it is a game changer for everyone. You allow yourself to truly listen to the other. It builds trust in the relationship. It allows the other person to connect to themselves and you at the same time without feeling judged. Conversation will get easier. When you know that you can trust someone with your emotions and feeling, you go deeper with them. People just want to be understood and or heard. It does not mean they are right and you are wrong. We just need to hear their side without attacking, defending and shutting down prior to emotions being expressed. If you think about it, its all you want too. Why would they be any different?
I spent my youth and up until recently, managing other peoples’ emotions. I never even look at mine. By always dealing with theirs, I ignored mine. I never put what I wanted ahead of them. I would consider how it affected others over what gain I would get. I held myself back from shining, moving ahead with things that would really bring me joy. All to just make things smoother for them. I held myself back constantly and did not even know I was doing that. I kept myself small to let someone else feel big. I kept my mouth shut so they could speak nonsense. I let them tell me who I should be instead of knowing who I am. All because I had a belief that I needed to manage other peoples’ emotions to keep me safe. Our minds are brilliant and they do their very best to create ways that they think keep us safe and alive. At some point, we have to be aware that they no longer serve us. Some beliefs hold us back and need to go so we can be our potential.
Working on the shadow parts of us, the parts that just need light brought to them so they can be let go, is my most favorite part of life now. The freedom I see in people when these beliefs leave are magical. I want that for you.
Close your eyes, imagine what your life would feel like just managing how you feel each day. Say “Self, where would you go? What things would you do differently?”. You could breathe, you could dream. You can be that person. You just need to put yourself first. It not selfish, it’s your life and you deserve this happiness too.
